l Religion and Clay Aiken
6/18/05
by Diane Sprague
I know I am going to be walking on eggshells in this article, but since many of those eggshells are my own, I figure I would know to avoid some of the especially delicate ones. I never thought that religion would be an issue when listening to a singer because if a singer sang religious songs we did not want to listen to, we could just decide not to listen. Nice and easy. Usually we pick the types of music and songs that fit our tastes and beliefs first anyways and then the singers that sing the type of music we would choose. For many of us when we first fell in love with Clay’s voice, this was flip-flopped. We choose the singer first and then the music he sang. I remember my son told me that he was surprised to see me listening to Clay. It wasn’t the type of music I usually chose. I had just purchased some old Rolling Stones CDs for him to let him hear their wonderful irreverence, because that is what I felt music should be: irreverent and fun. I hated sappy love songs and ballads, but when I heard Clay sing one, the word sappy became replaced with beautiful. So my tastes changed a bit. That was cool.
Religion was a much more difficult issue. My first reaction to hearing Clay speak about his Christian beliefs was to blurt out some rather crude profanity. Unfortunately my experiences with this religion left me with what one could refer to as a can of worms, but it is not worms inside, those suckers are scorpions, tarantulas, and wasps. They are nasty creatures that best stay inside their can and I found that avoiding this religion was the best way to keep them there. So I found myself facing the dilemma of wanting to hear everything that Clay sang and discovering that some of the songs had the potential to bring back thoughts and memories I wanted to leave behind. I remember debating with myself as to whether I should download his religious demos. I couldn’t resist the temptation; I had to hear everything he sang, so I did download them. I listened to them for awhile at first, but then I stopped. They made me too sad. Some of the songs talked about the promise of that religion. I lived too long with the reality.
The reality I lived with consisted of a cowardly, relentless form of bullying that tried to close me into a tiny, suffocating box. The seething anger of those around me was projected onto a God whose reaction to the universe He created is one big, “Damn you!” Unless, of course one did everything right: got the beliefs right and lived in that confining box of being what one was supposed to be rather than what one really is. As harsh and frightening as the sermons and ideas were, the strange thing was the morality of the people around me was appalling. Their beliefs never changed them. An angry selfish narcissism dominated this world and the actions that they tried to hide would have made some good plot lines for a lovely soap opera. I never saw love.
Of course, Clay’s Christianity seems to be a much more gentle type. The problem is that I just don’t understand it. It is never explained. Society’s rule is that we just don’t talk about it, and I suppose there is some wisdom to that. Still it is frustrating that interviewer’s questions consist of asking what shampoo Clay uses and how he likes his eggs done. Some of us would like to hear a little bit more and there is a very important explanation for that when it comes to religion. We want to know if we can connect. What is difficult is that Clay’s religion is presented ambiguously enough it leaves an opening for projections that make it hard to trust it.
One of the most difficult things to accept about the beliefs of others is the idea of exclusivity. Many of our belief systems teach that theirs is the correct one and others are mistaken; others are left out. With all the different conflicting belief systems out there, I always thought an alien visiting our planet would find this aspect of our humanity rather amusing. But for those of us living in this madness, it can be a painful reality that makes our hairs bristle when the subject of religion comes up. We don’t want to be left out. We don’t want to be lost. We want to connect with others with what we know to be true deep inside but our rules never let us. We never talk about it or if we do it is only in terms of opinions, established doctrines, or a hateful intolerance. It is never in terms of anything real. Our real words are lost inside and that silence is one of the bleakest silences in the world.
I know that Clay has talked about being tolerant of others beliefs in his book. It made me happy to read that. Even so, when he sang some religious songs during his tours and I was taken back by just how beautiful he sounded singing them, at the same time I found myself holding back and wondering if I could connect to what he was saying. These were words from a religion I left behind me. Because of that, were they words that would leave me out? What does he mean when he sings them? Can I connect to that meaning?
I don’t know. Not enough is said. I can project that ugly exclusivity onto the words and turn away. I could also combine the words with the gentle tolerance that comes with understanding that we can use different words, different symbols to say the same thing. The problem is that these will remain projections unless what is being said become much more clear. I listen to Clay’s actions, and like what I hear when I see the choices that he makes. Even so, words help too. We live in a world that talks about shampoo when many of us are yearning for something deeper. I know the eggshells we scatter around us when it comes to religion is frightening, but the possibility of truly hearing what someone has to say is precious. I am waiting to hear what Clay truly has to say. I can hear it in his voice, but a few more words can help those of us who are holding back a bit because of religion. We want to know if we can connect to the meaning behind it all.
SirLinksalot: Clay Aiken Links
SirLinksalot: American Idol Links